On the eve of 38 weeks and with only one “work” day left, I find
myself completely excited and numb (for a lack of better words) at the same
time. I am excited to have the next three months off to gather my thoughts, be
able to have mornings without an alarm, and to be able to be in my own thoughts
before the baby comes. I ‘m looking
forward to be able to have a little time
to plan, journal and blog my big plans for my framing business and design
business to help keep our little family afloat while on maternity leave.
I think I have
thought about all the possibilities about how life will be when the baby comes
that I just can’t think anymore. What if she’s a terribly unhappy baby? What if
I’m a terribly unhappy mother? What if she doesn't start feeding right away? What
if she has colic? What If I lose my mind? What if I have to call my husband to
come home to give me just a moment to gather myself (or cry alone in the
bathroom so no one knows I’m losing it). But oh…what if she’s perfect…sleeps
thorough the night…latches on right away…coos and melts my heart. I make myself go crazy. I mean, coming from a
large family, and being one of the older cousins, babies are no unknown
territory for me. I know how to take care of a new born….right? At least I think
I have a grasp. These are the thoughts that circle my head all day. My real
fears when it comes to bringing this little girl in to this world. I guess we
will just have to find out when she arrives. Any day now….