On the eve of 38 weeks and with only one “work” day left, I find myself completely excited and numb (for a lack of better words) at the same time. I am excited to have the next three months off to gather my thoughts, be able to have mornings without an alarm, and to be able to be in my own thoughts before the baby comes. I ‘m looking forward to be able to have a little time to plan, journal and blog my big plans for my framing business and design business to help keep our little family afloat while on maternity leave.
I think I have thought about all the possibilities about how life will be when the baby comes that I just can’t think anymore. What if she’s a terribly unhappy baby? What if I’m a terribly unhappy mother? What if she doesn't start feeding right away? What if she has colic? What If I lose my mind? What if I have to call my husband to come home to give me just a moment to gather myself (or cry alone in the bathroom so no one knows I’m losing it). But oh…what if she’s perfect…sleeps thorough the night…latches on right away…coos and melts my heart. I make myself go crazy. I mean, coming from a large family, and being one of the older cousins, babies are no unknown territory for me. I know how to take care of a new born….right? At least I think I have a grasp. These are the thoughts that circle my head all day. My real fears when it comes to bringing this little girl in to this world. I guess we will just have to find out when she arrives. Any day now….