Solitude

I apologize for the wordy post, and lack of posts lately...

 

I have always considered myself to be a confident, strong and sexy woman . I’ve never had a problem standing up for myself, motivating myself, doing things for myself, or commanding attention. But lately, I feel it slipping away. I have no clue where it’s coming from but I feel like I need to get it out in the universe so I can get it out of my system. This is in no way a cry for help or fishing for complements, I simply need to get it out of my head.

I feel the stress from work, from home and from myself slowly chipping away at me, and I am slowly letting it. I just can’t seem to find the time to do the things I want, or the things I need to feel centered and to feel balance in my life. I find myself wanting to do so many things at once that I get overwhelmed and I don’t do any of them. Between studying for the IDEX exam, the need to work out, maintaining my friendships, trying to live a healthy lifestyle, trying to leave work at work, and the desire to be present in my marriage, I am exhausted. For the first time I can ever remember, I could not get out of bed a couple weekends ago. I was completely emotionally and physically exhausted.

I don’t know who this person is. I’m taking jokes personally, I feel inadequate, I’m starting fights for no reason ( I’m sorry babe), I find myself so unmotivated that I literally don’t want to do anything.  Yet, my inner voice feels like I am screaming at myself “WHAT ARE YOU DOING!??!”

I feel sad, ugly, out of shape, sensitive, lazy, guilty and alone.

I want to feel happy, empowered, centered, sexy, beautiful, free and healthy.

I know that I am all of these things, but I want to feel them.

 

I am in serious need of a “get back on track plan”

I would love to hear any plans for a “stay motivated and suck it up plan.”

Maybe that’s just it. Stay motivated and suck it up.

Hmph.

Happy Monday?

Xo.

B